by Karen Lucas
Attachment theory has influenced the field of psychology and has become the primary undercurrent for many theoretical approaches. This video is about Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), which was created by Dr. Susan Johnson. The video incorporates the “Stillface” video that was created during Dr. Edward Tronick’s studies of attachment with infants and their mothers.
Dr. Johnson labels both infant and adult behaviors initiated when the emotional connection has been lost during the bonding dance. The same patterns we learn as infants and children often carry over into our adult lives and relationships. As Dr. Johnson puts it, “The drama of romantic bonding is an adult version of the bond between parent and child.”
Watching the video, many of my clients have been able to identify with one or both of the adults. Hearing the behaviors named and seeing the dance of bonding from disconnect to a conclusion of repair has helped my clients identify their own core moves. Discussing patterns of rupture that developed in their family of origin helps clients understand why they are repeating old childhood behaviors in their adult relationships.
It is what you do with the rupture that impacts the relationship. The repair between infant and mother and between adults defines the health of the relationship. This video shows the moments of repair and the reconnection as the mother and partner respond on an emotional level. Bringing mindfulness to behaviors that cause rupture and reconnection can help create healthy change, especially when a therapist is present to facilitate the repair. Watching couples reconnect is like watching them soften and breathe deeply. As Dr. Tronick said, “ We need loving connection like oxygen.”